Merry Christmas !!

Hope everyone is having a wonderful day.

Bright sunshine in Boston, it looks beautiful outside. Steve is out for a walk, the kitties are napping and soon I'll be blessed with a "kitty bag" dinner in bed when Steve returns.

I'm feeling so much better today, back from the Dark Place I settled in a few days ago. A week of feeling good every other week is over-the-top fabulous. I'll never take for granted even the smallest pleasures of the day. Even if some days that means just waking up. Or looking in the mirror and seeing how much I actually do resemble Jack Benny. Or my uncle Louie. (Aunt Norma, it's true.)

You are my strength, I feel your support, prayers and healing thoughts. To each and every one of you, my family, friends and loved ones, thank you for being you. I'm able to face the journey ahead because of you. Very best wishes of the season, and a happy, healthy New Year. "God bless us, every one."

Sicker Than a Junkyard Dawg

Well, that, apparently is how this cancer goes. Feelin’ groovy one day and sick, sick, sick the next. It’s Irene here; Kathy has asked me to fill you in on what’s been going on. As she mentioned in her last posting, she was feeling pretty queasy for about a week. Then, on the 7th day after her treatment, she popped out of bed, full of energy and sunshine. Recognizing that she had a week until her next treatment, she took full advantage of feeling great by meeting with friends, getting out to restaurants and doing some final holiday preparations. A group of United girlfriends got together to toast the season. To everyone who was there, thank you so much for coming. For those who couldn’t make it, we missed you, but ate your share of Maria’s fabulous praline torte. If successful, you should be able to see a picture of that fun night here.
The week was also devoted to more scalp prosthesis research (wig shopping). An order has been placed, and, none too soon since the cats are no longer the only ones leaving their hair on the chairs. More on that, next time.
Thursday was not a good day. Kathy’s treatment was scheduled to begin at 12:30. We decided to try to make it a fun day and arrived at MGH armed with the Mama Mia DVD and boxes of Junior Mints and Charleston Chews. We would blithely watch movies while killing Igor. Igor had other plans. Dr. Erban examined Kathy and declared that Igor had gotten a bit smaller. Igor was insulted and decided not to go quietly. Kathy developed an excruciating headache and an extremely elevated blood pressure. Her pressure was so high that the infusion treatment had to be postponed while all efforts were put into quelling the headache and bringing the pressure back into the normal range. The more drugs they administered, the sicker Kathy became. Through it all, she kept her sense of humor and suggested the title for this posting. It took several hours, a CT brain scan and an extended trip to the ER to fix things up. But 12 hours later Kathy was home and sleeping soundly.
What a difference a day makes! Friday, Kathy’s headache was gone. She and Steve headed back to MGH. Surprise! She got an upgrade. Of course she did. Who knew that there were private areas in the infusion wing? Bed #2A for her Friday’s cocktail hours. This is bad news for MGH. Now that Kathy has seen what’s in front of the curtain, they’ll never get her back in economy again. Vitals were taken, all signs were “Go” and Igor got his next blasts of poison! Take that, Igor! You Will Not Win!
Kathy sends her love and thanks to all. The cards, emails, good wishes and prayers mean so much to her. She loves checking in and reading your comments. She feels blessed to have such supportive family and friends.
Happy, Healthy Holidays to Everyone.

Am I Awake Yet ??!!

WOW, the chemo treatment last Thursday really threw me for a loop. Because I had a biopsy first thing that morning, my day was long and I ended up at the hospital for 10 hours. The infusion took 3 hours, a lot longer than I had anticipated. I slept on and off, Steve was able to find a computer to keep busy. So went the social event of my week. Sleep took over soon after I got home.

Armed with more drugs than ever, for me, I didn't get sick from the treatment. This is VERY good. However, I was in bed for almost 3 days. Kitties couldn't believe their good fortune to have found another sleep companion 24-7. I hope the "normal" part of the cycle starts soon.

I had a busy morning, visiting the wig salon with Irene. It's come to this, so we're taking it on. Somehow fantasizing about trying on "glamour" wigs and actually sitting in the chair trying them on, isn't quite the same. Maybe Dolly Parton has a different take. Maybe by next week I'll be here to say "I'm sittin' pretty" too. Reality check: not a good look for me, right ??

Not much activity out of Igor of late. He lost his coat, boots and hat at the hospital last week. His hair is thinning and he's feeling queasy. Winter is coming, he's cold and no one offers to help. He faintly hears voices in his head shouting "DIE ... LOUSY ... *&#% ...". He can't make out the rest. He thinks it's just another nightmare, but we know better.

My thoughts are with you !! Thanks again for being YOU, so supportive and caring. Hope your holiday plans are easy, breezy and FUN. And know how much I care about you.

The Calm Before The Storm

Hope everyone had a GREAT Thanksgiving. Steve laid low at home, recovering from a cold. I went to visit Country Martha and Garden Club for the feast of the year. SO much fun. Friends from around the country gather at different locations every year to celebrate Thanksgiving. To those, including Steve, who couldn't make it this year, know you were missed. And if your ears were ringing, know we WERE talking about you. I thought I'd better take advantage of still being able to want food, eat food, and drink wine, all at the same time. And I did.
Steve has recovered, and just so you know, enjoyed a huge goody bag of turkey, stuffing, cranberry, etc., when I got home.

This week is reflective for me. I feel good and continue to do "normal" things. I've spent time reading books given to me by the doctors and nurses on my team. I'm making lists of things I'll need to buy. I've picked up prescriptions and started a "pill chart" so I can keep track of the many drugs I'll soon be taking. I've put together a binder of all the written information I'll have to reference in the weeks to come. I've gone out to dinner and to the gym, and taken long walks down the Cape. I've enjoyed phone calls, emails, blog comments and cards.

I learned from Garden Club Ann that "Igor" is the name of a villain in Romanian folk lore. Very evil and mean. My grandmother on my mother's side was from Romania, a fact I learned only a few years ago. This bit of information has lead friends to speculate about my long lost relatives living in caves, dancing to gypsy music. Which would explain my passion for the Gypsy Kings and their music. Of course, now it all makes sense. Igor IS evil, nasty and mean. Close my eyes and this IS who I would conjure up as the the WORST possible being. He's SO going down.

Thursday, to be precise, will not be a good day for him. It will start with another core biopsy. The radiologist will take 5 bites out of him. I'll let her decide which pieces to pick. And it won't stop there. The first real-deal chemo session hits in the afternoon. He has no idea what he's in for.

I feel your support, prayers, love and well wishes as I get ready for Thursday. Steve will accompany me to treatment, which is scheduled to last an hour. I'm not exactly sure what to expect, as people are affected differently by the treatment. I do know the cocktail mix is strong, and I'm in good hands. My thoughts are with you, thank you for being there for me.

Cocktail Hour With a New Twist

Definitely not lemon or lime, but not bad for a first time.
One down, 8 to go !!

Steve was by my side, as we learned the ropes of chemo treatment yesterday. Since I'm part of a clinical trial for this stage of treatment, the cocktail was Avastin only. No side affects other than sleepiness. The nasty stuff starts in 2 weeks.

I've named my tumor Igor. I picture Igor wearing a dark grey, boiled wool suit, with tall black boots, a thick black belt and big black furry hat. He has a big black mustache and dark eyes. At first he was smiling and dancing, arms folded over his huge stomach, legs kicking out, as he turned in a circle. I caught his attention with the biopsys. He's stopped dancing. The Avastin is making it hard for him to breathe. His smile is starting to fade, he's not quite sure what's happening to his perfect little world. He can't hear my shout, "Igor, you're coming DOWN". That is, he can't hear me YET.

I wouldn't be able to face this battle without your love and support. Thank you seems hardly adequate to convey my appreciation for all you have done to lift my spirits as I face the road ahead. You fill my days with hope. I must have done something right along the way, to be so blessed with friends and family like you. At this special time of Thanksgiving, know you mean the world to me.

I'd Like Some Cheese with that Port

My chemo session has been changed from Thursday to Friday of this week. I'm told I'll need a "port" for ease of treatment. The port people are booked on Wednesday, but have an opening on Thursday. Since chemo warrants a day all to itself, it gets Friday. I don't know about you, but when I think of PORT, I think of cyrstal glasses and chunks of cheese. How could I be so wrong about this ??
"Cheers", I say, I'll be toasting you all tonight, with the real thing.

My Heart Is Full

Some of you may find this hard to believe, but until Irene pointed out I could click on "comments" to see what everyone is saying, I didn't know. What would we do without friends.

That having been said, I LOVE my blog, I LOVE my comments, and I LOVE you.
My spirits are lifted, you are kind and generous with your prayers and well wishes.
I want Denise to know, Manny's apartment may be going on the market again soon. I'll have his agent call your agent. And Katie, it's a big apartment, you could be a busy girl.

The countdown is on. Just two more tests tomorrow, chemo on Thursday. Steve is going with me for the first session. Yikes. It really is happening. To me.

I'll be there on the wings of many angels, you are JUST the best. My heart IS full.

You Really Can Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

And that would be in the world of computer/blogging. (Irene and Sarah, remember our day in computer class ??!!)
Anyway, I THINK I'm ready to begin my story !!

No one expects to be diagnosed with Stage 3 breast cancer in this day and age. Especially someone like me who religiously schedules annual mammograms and doctor appointments. And conducts self examinations in the shower, just like we were told to do ever since our breasts arrived on the scene. Mine happen to be dense and a little lumpy at best on any given day.

When I was a girl, I remember being kicked by our cat, in the chest, and it hurt a lot. My mom took me to the doctor, worried about my future breast development. We were told not to worry, at some point, later in my life, I would most likely have an inverted nipple. HOW EMBARASSING for a girl to hear. No thought of disease, or future complicatioins. Just OH NO, now I'll have THIS to look forward to, as if going through puberty wasn't enough.

Fast forward to 2007. My left nipple inverts. My thought, "guess my childhood doctor was right". I call Irene to tell her no matter HOW bad her day is going, I can top it. We laugh, the signs of ageing can be cruel and funny at the same time, just how cruel never crossed our minds.
I make the annual doctor appointment and he sees the inverted nipple. He feels a "thickening" in my left breast. We wait for the mammogram to see if anything is "picked up". The mammogram shows nothing abnormal. I'm good for the year.

2008. The mammogram for my left breast picked something up. The doctor felt the same "thickening". The follow-up mammogram lead to an ultra sound. Which lead to a core biopsy. Which lead to a fine needle aspiration. Suddenly my world was changing. The breast image was mine, the ultra sound imaging was mine, and I could see thick blobs of something the radiologist didn't like at all. These findings lead to cat scans, bone scans, blood tests, breast MRI, eco studies, and a team of techs with tears in their eyes telling me how sorry they were. I'm sure there are a few people at Mass General who haven't seen my left breast, but not many.

I have 2 more tests today. Wednesday I have a test and I will be radio-active once again. Good thing I'm not planning a trip, Sarah would be able to hear the security alarms up in Kittery.

Thursday I start chemo.

The good news: my cancer appears to be contained to the left breast and left lymph nodes. My course of treatment will be chemo first, followed by surgery, hormone therapy, and radiation. I'm eligible for participation in a clinical trial of the drug Avastin, thought to be THE cancer drug of the future. It will be administered during the chemo phase, stretching it to about 17 weeks.
I'll wait 2 to 4 weeks, then have a lumpectomy (plus removal of the lymph nodes). Hormone pills begin, followed by radiation (I'm not sure how long this lasts).

Enough for my first blog page !!
Except to tell each and every one of you how much I LOVE YOU. You ARE what will get me through the next 9 months.
I am blessed to have you in my life.

11/14/2008

Here we are at Kathy's blog. She has decided this would be a good way to keep her family and friends updated on the course of her newly diagnosed breast cancer. And, she will. Someday. Keep checking back. Honest. She will.