The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I'm awake, which is of course THE GOOD. Igor, THE BAD, has fallen to the wayside. Dr. Erban has identified the hulk of this wretch in a pile by the side of the road. A fence is going up around him where he will be contained, easily picked out of a line up and disposed of a later date. That would be by the surgeon, Dr. Spect. She will take THE UGLY remains and dispose of them FOREVER !!

Once again, it's hard to believe I've just spent the better part of 8 days in bed. For me, the cumulative effects of chemotherapy begin and end with fatigue. Oh, and a touch of nausea thrown in for good measure. A miraculous change happens on the 8th day. One minute I'm tired beyond belief, the next I'm feeling NORMAL. With ENERGY. It brings me to my knees in gratitude. Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I'd been blessed with good health all my life. Colds, minor surgeries, scrapes and bruises being the sum total of my "sick" experiences. A few days in bed, a few pills and potions, and eventually whatever was wrong would go away. For someone like me, it's unimaginable to wake up, morning after morning, feeling UNWELL. With untold poisons running through my body, killing everything fast growing in their path, I know one day this might include me. And so enters anxiety into the mix. But on that 8th day, that miraculous transformation occurs, and I know I've made it through another round. Confirming anything is possible, and aren't we so blessed to be alive.

I gave up reading "cancer" books. I have 3, which are not only informative but very well written and FUNNY. Initially I thought they were helping me. I was learning about the disease and laughing at the same time, relating to these articulate, strong women with stories and experiences strikingly similar to mine. I mean, how can you not have a smile on your face hearing about girlfriends fighting over whose initials to shave onto a newly bald head, sitting there with a glass of merlot in hand. Well, for me, this flood of information caused a major meltdown. Poor Steve, really, I promise to keep the books hidden until you say it's alright to bring them out again or perhaps write my own.

We're down the Cape for the weekend. This morning we saw coyotes for the first time, across the bay from our house. So beautiful. Our neighbors report they come in our yard and rest in our driveway, when we're not here. I think this is the family they told us about last summer, it was good to finally see them.

My next treatment is Thursday. I'm scheduled Wednesday for massage and acupuncture, which I know will help clear my mind and prepare my body for the treatment. As always, my thoughts are with you. Thank you for your well wishes and love, you truly make it all bearable for me.